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CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe has just learned to speak
German. Now get this, here's why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on
the other side of town called THE CLOSET . . . And they got these
Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife
who can speak German (you know what I mean) . . . so Joe's learned how
to speak German, he goes into this place and he sees these little Kitchen
Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one . . .
that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a
chrome piggy-bank with marital aids stuck all over its body . . . it's
really exciting . . . and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG . . .
JOE:
Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinem heisen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinem heisen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinem heisen gelockten
shwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches schwein
Bis er spritzt, spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Bis er spritzt, spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Stunned by JOE's command of its native tongue, a gleaming model XQJ-37
nuclear-powered Pan-sexual Roto-Plooker named SY BORG (previously thought
to be the son of the lady who called the Police on cut two, side I),
spindles over to JOE and says . . .
SY BORG:
Pick me . . . I'm clean . . . I am also programmed for conversational
English
This stuns JOE, who stands there speechless for a moment. Smitten by JOE's
animal magnetism, SY continues . . .
SY BORG:
May I have this dance?
And JOE, looking sharp in his housewife costume with the napkin on his head
and the yellow chiffon apron, responds boldly by repeating the entreaty
originally delivered in Deutsch in its conversational English form, so that
his intentions regarding the Appliance will be made perfectly clear . . .
JOE:
I've got a better idea . . .
Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
You ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
Stick it out
Stick out your hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out your hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out your hot curly weenie
Weenie . . . weenie, weenie, weenie!
Make it go fast
In and out
Magical Pig
Make it go fast
In and out
Magical Pig
Till it squirts, squirts, squirts, squirts
Fire
Till it squirts, squirts, squirts, squirts
Fire
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Whereupon, in order to prove to JOE that he is no ordinary Appliance, SY
quotes a few lines of traditional American Love Poetry . . .
SY BORG:
What's a girl like you
Doing in a place like this?
Do you come here often?
Wait a minute. . .
I've got it . . .
You're an Italian . . .
What? You're Jewish?
Love your nails . . .
You must be a Libra
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
See the chrome
Feel the chrome
Touch the chrome
Heal the chrome
See the screaming
Hot black steaming
Iridescent naugahyde python screaming
Steam Roller!
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