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Poniżej prezentujemy Wam tekst piosenki That's your horoscope for today , Weird Al Yankovich
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Aquarius
There's travel in your future
When your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life
By Playing Wack-a-mole 17 hours a day
Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos
With the Ebola Virus
You are the true lord of the dance
No matter what those idiots at work say
Aries
The look on your face will be princeless
When you find that 40 lb watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf
And give a hicky to Merle Stream
Taurus
You will never find true happiness
What cha gonna do cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff
And then go back to sleep
Thats your horoscope for today
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Thats your horoscope for today
Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble
Whan your fiance hurls an javelin though your chest
Cancer
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duck tape up your nose
While taking your drivers test
Leo
Now its not a good time to photocopy your butt
And staple it to your boss face (Oh no)
Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding
Then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quick
Virgo
All Virgos are extremly friendly and intelligent
Except for you!
Expect a big surprise today
When you wind up with your head impaled upon a stake
Thats your horoscope for today
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Thats your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable or at least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep signifigance or meanings that exclisively applie to you
But let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid scientific evidence
So you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single of them is absolutly true!
Were was I?
Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner
For someone much talented tah you
Laughter is the very best medicine
Remember that when your appendix busts this week
Scorpio
Get reade for an unexpected trip
When you fall screaming from an open window
Work a litle bit harder on improving your low self-esteem
You stupid freak
Sagittarius
All your friends are laughting behind your back
Kill them!
Take down all these naker pictures of Ernest Sborgnine you've got hanging in your den
Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person
But you know they're lieing
If i were you i'd lock my doors and windows and never, never, never, never, never leave my house again
Thats your horoscope for today
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
Thats your horoscope for today
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